Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
