Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize