after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
