I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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