This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
