I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
