Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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