two words: eviction party
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
