ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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