new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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