there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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