These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize