I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
