i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
