what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
