If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
