you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
