the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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