How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.