He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.