Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward