the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
