Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
