So drunk, too bad you don't want this
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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