you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
