I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
