If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
