if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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