The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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