i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
