Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.