At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
