I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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