we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
