he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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