the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
