I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
