who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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