So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
