she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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