DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
