so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
