just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
