i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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