I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
