I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
