and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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