North Korea, Best Korea!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
