Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
