Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
