I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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