I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
