i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
