i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Randomize
