So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
