i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize