Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
