i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
