I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i drank out of a bidet.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
