I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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