So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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