I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
