You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
