I want to have your abortion
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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