I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
