I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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