Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
