Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
